By Stanley Rosner
A 12-year-old boy vows he'll by no means do to his destiny kinfolk what his father did through leaving the boy, his sister and mom. but, 30 years later, the boy now a guy leaves his circle of relatives. a tender girl who is damaged off an abusive dating is now drawn to an identical type of character in a possible boyfriend. And an lawyer who grew up with an impossible-to-please father takes a task in an organization the place the boss thinks compliment isn't effective. those are the type of repetitive cycles that Stanley Rosner has noticeable repeatedly in his perform throughout forty years as a scientific psychologist. A prior president of the Connecticut mental organization, Rosner examines during this ebook no matter if there's for a few humans a compulsion to copy self-destructive acts, and what the basis for that compulsion could be, in addition to the way it will be replaced to come up with the money for higher, happier living.
Assisted through well known writer Patricia Hermes, Rosner deals many eye-opening vignettes from his treatment rooms, displaying us truly how adolescence occasions can create subconscious dilemmas that flow us to copy the location in other kinds. He goals to teach us how we will unravel the problems that linger, explaining easy methods to realize those matters, then flow ahead to place them to relaxation in ways in which usually are not self-sabotaging. What i need to provide, says Rosner, is the chance for change.
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Additional info for The Self-Sabotage Cycle: Why We Repeat Behaviors That Create Hardships and Ruin Relationships
Example text
Michael shrugged. He smiled. For a long time, he said nothing. I let the silence go on, hoping that in the quiet, Michael might experience, and uncover, even a hint of what was going on under the surface. Instead, the silence just stretched on and on. Silence, as has been noted, can be an important tool in the psychotherapeutic process. In the quiet, the individual often remembers events, and, even more, feels the emotions that attach to those events. If a therapist is tuned in, is understanding and willing to let that silence go on, many things can be learned.
28 The Self-Sabotage Cycle I’m coughing. Someone slapped me on the back. Overnight, I died. ” Beatrice was choking to death. She was suppressing her feelings for a long time and a slap on the back would not relieve her feelings of strangulation. No one seemed to appreciate how deeply troubled she was and chose to dismiss her complaints as petty. In line with “something is stuck in my throat,” Beatrice commented that she was a pack rat and could not part with anything. She accumulated everything, her room was a mess, and she could not discard anything, even things for which she had absolutely no use.
I believed that in a group, Michael could get a clearer idea of how he was viewed, not just by me or by Jillian, but by a group of sensitive individuals who were willing to help and to be helped. But there too, Michael frustrated every effort. He dragged his feet, got caught up in details, and derailed efforts to move him off the position he was in. He dealt with issues by going around in circles, undermining efforts by me and by the group to get to central issues. Group members pointed out to him what he was doing and expressed their frustration at his not doing things to help himself.