Download How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage To Forgive, the Freedom by Janis A. Spring PDF

By Janis A. Spring

The writer of After the Affair demanding situations the idea that forgiveness is the one applicable reaction to violation, featuring a self-affirming substitute that permits readers to beat the damaging results of hate with no forgiveness whereas outlining a version for real forgiveness that areas re

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Additional resources for How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage To Forgive, the Freedom Not To

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Step 3: You stop obsessing about the injury and reengage with life. • Step 4: You protect yourself from further abuse. • Step 5: You frame the offender’s behavior in terms of his own personal struggles. • Step 6: You look honestly at your own contribution to the injury. 54 How Can I Forgive You? • Step 7: You challenge your false assumptions about what happened. • Step 8: You look at the offender apart from his offense, weighing the good against the bad. • Step 9: You carefully decide what kind of relationship you want with him.

You protest. “Why is it up to me to make peace? ” ORIGINS OF NOT FORGIVING All of us refuse to forgive at times, but our response is usually proportional to the provocation. Our anger flares up and later subsides. For some of us, however, Not Forgiving is not an isolated reaction to a single violation but a lifelong pattern of response. This pattern could be innate — a basic personality trait. Or it could be learned, largely from damaging early life experiences but also from negative assumptions about the meaning of forgiveness.

Refusing to Forgive may isolate you not just from the person who hurt you but from those who have done you no harm. Mistrust is like blood seeping from a wound, staining everything it touches. Morbidly absorbed in the injury, you may push everyone away, even those who care for you and want to help you heal. Unable to open up to them, or even admit that you welcome their support, you’re likely to stand firm but alone. Stabilizing and strengthening yourself requires more than a shot of indignation.

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